My heart tells me it'll all be ok, it'll all turn out fine-- I love you and forever will. It's naive, I know. There's so many red flags, so many problems that my logical side can see-- all my alarms are going off. And yet, here I am, still right by your side, even if it's killing me.
Some days I wake up and hate every part of myself because I've become someone I don't want to be, don't want to see. I work so hard for that little bit of praise, that little bit of love, that little bit of affirmation from you. But when I get tired and my heart cannot suppress my logic, I look back and wonder if all this pain and suffering was worth destroying myself for.
Lately, you've been telling me that I talk too much, am too needy, and whine a lot. And perhaps you're right. Or perhaps I've no longer got that special place in your heart where you love to hear my voice, love to spend time together, love to listen to my day. It tears me apart to think of this possibility.
It's days like these where I slip up and logic wins over my weakened heart. I guess it's been so long that I've become complacent and afraid of change. I'm learning slowly that perhaps I need to move on or things won't change and years down the road I'll live with the regret of my decision. Perhaps you're right. I'm immature, fantasizing about the perfect you, that I don't see all the problems all our differences that threaten to tear us apart.
When I recover once again, I'll put that strong face on, let my heart take charge, and carry on this potentially tragic love story.
